We got news this afternoon. Really big news to us. I wanted to call my Mom but couldn’t. For a minute, it felt like there is no one else in the world but Adam and I. That we are all alone. This isn’t true, of course but it felt like it. My siblings and I have had had this ongoing text thread between the four of us since my Mom’s death. I did the only thing I knew to do and hopped on it and shared our news with them. There’s this weird underlying desire to share this with my Father but I’m not going to. He hasn’t earned that right in my life. He can’t replace my Mom. He can’t even come close. No one can.
We sold our Mom’s car today. I hate it. I hate it. It simply shouldn’t be. She should still be driving it. I found my baby book earlier this week and my Mom’s drivers license from 1989. I don’t know how we go about this. How we literally sort through her life’s belongings. I hate it. I hate it.
I started reading a Christian book about grief. A basic timeline of grief was referenced. They say (and I have heard/read this elsewhere) that between 6-9 months is when things really amp up and feel worse. How can it feel any worse than now, I’ll never know….or, I guess I will (in about 5 months). It also said that when you lose a loved one unexpectedly it increases the average time of grieving from 2-3 years. Three years? How in the world will we make it through?
Oh, and I just heard Lainey in the other room with her toy telephone talking to Grandma (Hi Grandma!). So, there’s that.
The news you may ask? It isn’t even relevant in the grand scheme of things. My Mama is gone. That is the only thing that is relevant. Our offer on an amazing home was accepted-that’s all it was.
Seriously, three years?