Tag Archives: Infertility

Heartbroke

Posted on by
18

Since my last post, we were blessed with the best news we have EVER received….too quickly replaced by WORST heartache we have ever felt.

To the Child in My Heart
Precious, tiny, sweet little one
You will always be to me
So perfect, pure and innocent
Just as you were meant to be.

We dreamed of you and your life
And all that it would be
We waited and longed for you to come
And join our family.

We never had the chance to play,
To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now
And listen to you giggle.

I’ll always be your mother.
He’ll always be your dad.
You will always be our child,
The child that we had.

But now you’re gone…but yet you’re here.
We’ll sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy.
There’s love in every tear.

Just know our love goes deep and strong.
We’ll forget you never-
The child we had, but never had,
And yet will have forever.

Go to the Next Post In Our Adoption Journey

Only the strong survive

Posted on by
1

WARNING: This video is not for the tender-hearted. It is suspenseful and you’ll find yourself on the edge of your seat cheering for the most “talented” dude, the “strongest” one…

http://www.babycenter.com/2_inside-pregnancy-fertilization_10354435.bc

We especially liked how it looked like grass waving in the breeze (with full sound-effects) as he neared the ovary. The music was intense!

Seriously, though….we are currently freaked about the idea of having multiples. As the video points out only about 100 lil’ dudes make it to the ovary…..Adam asked me how many babes we could get pregnant with and after this video I told him, “obviously 100!”. You should have seen me take my Clomid….I had to trick myself into thinking it is an M&M so as not to freak out about the thought of multiples and randomly spit it out. It could happen. Well, not 100…but obviously multiples happen. No one wakes up one day and says, “Hey, I want to be an octo-mom!”. Oh, holy schmoley….

ALL of our tests are back and everything is great! We officially have “unexplained infertility” (ahem, with a side comment that it is most likely related to my age). And, just as a side-note, the hystersalpinogram sucked was VERY enjoyable and because of the comments the specialist made Adam now has an ego. Not really…but it was comical to hear the specialist explain how he, um…ace’d his test!

Next up…ultrasound this week to see how well the Clomid worked!

We have an egg!! (and a f.l.u…)

Posted on by
2

I got a great Birthday gift today! A scan the specialist did this afternoon shows we have an egg!!! [Cue music!!]

I almost asked for a picture! Most people have ultrasound images of their baby…not us (yet)-but we’ll take what we can get by golly! We’ve worked hard for this here lil’ egg and as Adam said last week “we’re not greedy!”.

This may sound terrible to some of you folks but we have a phrase some people use in medicine. FLK, or funny lookin’ kid. Now, I know that all kids are ADORABLE but every so often you come across a FLK-which is the first thing that came to mind when she asked the nurse to go get another doctor to look at my uterus. Hmmm. At first they thought it was bicornuate (two-lobed) but in the end they are pretty sure there is just a larger fibroid. We’re rooting for the fibroid as the other increases our chances of miscarriage and preterm labor. The only way to know for sure is to have a hystersalpinogram which I cannot have until the first week of July. That is, of course, unless we take advantage of the egg we have and get pregnant this month!!!

So I left the doctor’s office with my FLU and pulled up behind this car…not kidding. (and yes, there was only ONE egg-I saw it with my own eyes!)

 

baby troubles

Posted on by
6

We met with a specialist this week about our troubles getting pregnant. We left with an armful of information of fertility treatments and adoption. Oddly it was both devastating and comforting to hear her say, “yes, there is a problem”. I am not sure why it felt good to hear it, other than it just affirmed our suspicions and made me feel like I’m not crazy. And, she gave us hope. Which I felt I had lost.

We do not yet know exactly what the problem is but there are two things that she zeroed in on more than once. My age. I’ll be a young 36 on Monday and this concerns her. She is worried about premature menopause as it runs in my family and I have been having night-sweats. Secondly, the fact that I have never been on any form of contraception in our 16-year marriage is troublesome. So, we are both being tested right now-some things are pending already and more tests are scheduled for this week.

We are struggling with how aggressive to be with this. We don’t want to play God but have such a strong desire to have a child. Adam, especially does not want to do anything really invasive. I had told him about Clomid before our appointment and after she explained it even better he is comfortable with trying it. As we talked about the increased risk of multiple babies, though Adam quickly said, “we aren’t greedy…we just want one!”. If anything, we are at highest risk for twins…it was odd to listen to her talk about twins as she talked like twins are no big deal! Which, in hindsight, I am sure she delivers multiples all the time but geesh….more than one!?! The idea gives us the jitters to be sure, especially considering my Father-in-law’s dream about our twin boys when we were first married! Yikes!! No matter what we will be thankful to Him for however many he gives us!

I will be starting the Clomid in a couple of weeks. Meanwhile we are praying that we get pregnant naturally this month! And, we are trying to keep our spirits up. They gave us a bunch of information on the psychological aspect of infertility….all TRUE. Just sayin’.