L is for Lainey


We got wonderful news yesterday. My DNA does NOT match the fetal tissue UNMC has, which means Lainey was for real. And, she was normal.

We are thrilled to be able to move forward with a little more clarity. We still do not know for sure what path is the correct one, surrogacy or adoption. One day I feel like one is the right choice, the next day, the other. Both options bring with them their own set of circumstances. We are adamant that we definitely want an “end-point” to this journey and we want to go into the next step knowing what our end-point is. For example if we do surrogacy we will need to determine if we are going to use our own goods =) and try for our own embryos for transplant into a surrogate or should we use donor eggs, etc. Due to the testing being done on Lainey our appointment with our specialist in Denver has been postponed twice and is now scheduled for this Thursday. We are sure he will present us with multiple options….nothing can be easy, of course!

Deciding where our end-point will be with surrogacy is difficult. Many women need multiple IVF attempts before achieving a successful pregnancy with IVF and of course, miscarriage is always a possibility. These are all things we will need to decide as to how far we will allow ourselves to go.

We have decided to move forward with the home study process for adoption. We most certainly haven’t ruled adoption out. We have narrowed down to some of the things we would request but still are unsure on others. Where would our end-point be with adoption? After a certain amount of years without being chosen? After a failed adoption? From what we are told approximately 20% of adoptions fail. Maybe we will shoot for our endpoint to be if there are two failed adoptions? Again, not easy decisions but they are necessary. This journey we are on is all-consuming and therefore we need to know when we will stop if not successful.

We did make a decision this week, though and that is that regardless of which one of the above we chose we need money. A lot of money. I don’t know if I know of anyone that has the type of money that we need just sitting in their account, us included. It is important to us that we remain financially stable and therefore, going into huge debt to have a child is not an option for us. We have decided that we want to sell our home and move into a cheaper rental. This will allow two things. First, whatever equity we have in our home (albeit probably not a lot) we can save and secondly, our monthly rent and utilities will be undoubtedly lower than for our (large) home. We don’t need this big of a home…we love our home and the thought of selling is not a fun one but we believe is a smart move. We have (tentatively) set a goal for ourselves to have our home appraised within the next 6 weeks so we know where to start from. So, if you know of anyone looking-spread the word!

Go to the Next Post In Our Adoption Journey

4 thoughts on “L is for Lainey

  1. A failed adoption is a scary thought. However, do not let it stop you.

    you can never reap rewards unless you put yourself out there.

    I am so sorry you are dealing with so many decisions facing you.

  2. Thank you Jessalynn, you are so right….some of the hardest decisions we will all make in our lives will result in us growing and experiencing results!

  3. Shana, I know there is a way to set up a website for donations…and I know a lot of people have big hearts and would be willing to help future baby Carter. A lot of little donations would add up…I was also thinking that since you have all the baby basics, you could have a “shower” to help offset the cost.

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