It only took one month to conceive our second baby. We were over the moon excited. Again, the only one that knew was my nurse (she knows all!). Because of our previous loss and because I do what I do, I had my nurse draw my hcg hormone levels from the get-go. They weren’t good. They didn’t rise and they are supposed to double every 48-72 hours. I left the clinic sobbing after I got my first set of results. I really had no “symptoms” of pregnancy with our first baby but with this one my gums hurt before I even found out I was pregnant. I also simply didn’t feel the best between 4-6pm everyday but otherwise, nada. I later found out that Adam (what a wonderful man he is) had subscribed to one of those baby sites that sends you your weekly updates on your little one-he was so excited!
We talked about it and decided to go forward with telling our families so that we wouldn’t necessarily have to “when it happened”. I literally had to tell my boss that sometime soon I will be calling in for a miscarriage. Just awful. The wait was awful. Every time I went to the bathroom I anticipated blood.
It happened again in the wee hours of the morning. We lost our 2nd child on September 12, 2013. This time it was painless and quick. Knowing it was coming, I had supplies at home to collect all of the tissue, etc to send in for pathology. Unfortunately, the lab had me get the wrong preservative and therefore, we found out nothing….other than the typical result of “products of conception”. What is that? My baby was a “product”? Are you kidding me. Of course I realize that the average woman wouldn’t read her own lab report necessarily but the wording felt like it was trivializing our child, this baby that we had so many dreams for.
Seriously, I don’t know what I wish it would have said….perhaps simply “baby tissue present”. I have no idea. Ideally, we wish it had said if it was a boy or girl and why we lost them.
Answers. That’s all we ever want.
Go to the Next Post In Our Adoption Journey