the fantasy child

When first meeting with our social worker and beginning to learn about the adoption process she told us about an exercise that she used to do during classes she would teach. The couple is to write down on paper what their “fantasy child” would look like.

Our fantasy child:

  • would actually be twins!! =)
  • would have Adam’s eyes (so Shana says)
  • would have Shana’s eyes (so Adam says)
  • would have Shana’s ears
  • would have Adam’s hair
  • would have a passionate love for Jesus
  • would be tall
  • would sleep through the night early!
  • would be an easy baby
  • would be healthy, not needing antibiotics until at least after 6 months of age
  • would never battle their weight
  • would love to read (and Adam says would not have “dyxlesia” -bahaha-poor guy!)
  • Would be very smart
  • would love to try new things
  • would be athletic
  • will never do drugs
  • would save themselves for marriage
  • would go as far as possible in college…
  • would never experience infertility
  • (Adam also said would be rich and famous but I told him that wasn’t appropriate for this exercise!!!)

Throw the above list away.


Once we started looking at adoption, our “fantasy” child is no more. But, the reality is that no parent gets their “fantasy” child! Instead, we will be given the child that we are supposed to have. They may be imperfect on the outside but are perfect in His eyes. The Lord knows our thoughts, He knows our wishes (Ps 94:11) but he also knows our strengths, whether we know them or not. He will give us a child that we will be capable of parenting. This is actually an amazing exercise for all parents. Whether your child be biologic, adopted or via surrogacy-no child can live up to any parent’s “fantasy”. No parent wants their child to struggle in school, to struggle with their identity, to have premarital sex, to use drugs or alcohol, to have a failed marriage, to drop out of college, I could go on and on. The point is, we need to let go of our “fantasies” and instead have realistic thoughts and dreams! We need to be realistic with the expectations we hold for our children………..and it’s even okay if they lick windows (some of the smartest ones do)!



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