As I fall asleep at night and think of my day I can’t help but think of how nothing is the same. Nothing. I am married to the same wonderful man. Our address is the same and we drive the same car. But, really that is it. And, I love it! Our lives are so full at last. Today started a new chapter as I returned to work. I am only seeing patients two days this week, three next and then will return fully the week after. Last night was tough. I didn’t want Lainey to go to bed because then I had to go to bed which would mean this morning came, and so on. I’ll admit most of my tears were cried last night, with only a few shed this morning. I remembered to be so thankful that I didn’t have to bundle her up and take her out with me as Adam held her in the garage waving at me when I pulled away. She will stay home with him full-time.
Undoubtedly there will be days when I can’t get away for lunch and on these days they will join me at my office to eat and Daddy even says they will be coming to visit me at other times during the day when I get settled at the clinic. Having been unexpectedly gone my desk and patient schedule are (kind of) a mess but will get better within a couple of weeks! The one thing I want to share is how this morning at work for the first time in years I was actually looking forward to this evening already. I couldn’t wait to get home and rub my little girl’s peach fuzz head! Our lives used to be happy, don’t get me wrong, but I truly felt like I was on an episode of groundhog day most of the time. I would get up, go to work, come home, eat supper, read something, go to bed and then do it again the next day. Being married for 19 years, I guess you could say we were in a rut from being in the same routine forever. Losing babies and depression compounded this exponentially! Adam and I are the perfect match as he is usually always “up” and that way if I ever struggled with something he was able to grab me by the shirt collar and pull me up with him, but after losing Lainey in November, we were both at our lowest of lows. It is so wonderful to feel alive again. To want to be here tomorrow. To look into those beautiful crystal blue eyes and see our future!
I brought two photos with me to the office today, one was this one:
Mundane, everyday things now hold new meaning. Planning our garden out on paper, something we have done for several years, was a blast! Things like turnips, sweet potatoes and parsnips?! Yay! Who would have thought? Why, of course we need to plant those so that we can put them up for our Miss Lainey to eat next winter!
Love her faces to pieces!!!
It is wonderful to have someone other than Adam and I to be aware of, to plan for. And, I know it is just beginning. I realize that some of you Mama’s of teenagers out there are probably saying “Oh, Shana…you have NO idea what you are wishing for!!!”. And, you are probably right! But, for now, I am enjoying figuring out silly things like where she is going to take swim lessons this summer already! =)
Please keep praying for the little one (Baby E) that I have mentioned previously. Baby E and her family need our prayers very much!