Pretending to be a fabulous somebody

I need to first preface this post by saying I don’t think that I am a nobody, nor do I feel sorry for myself, yada yada. This post is meant to be humorous and you’ll see what I mean shortly.

The fact of the matter however, is that I do indeed need to pretend to be somebody pretty fancy on April 28th. I can’t just be plain ol’ NP Shana Carter. She isn’t gonna cut it, folks. She needs a makeover of sorts I suppose.

I received a call from the hospital last week asking if I would be interested in speaking at the annual Women’s Spring Luncheon on the 28th. Not thinking much of it, I said sure~no problem before she even said “if you want to think about it, you can”. Meanwhile I am thinking….I give a pretty mean talk on urinary incontinence that involves a balloon and a straw-can’t go wrong with that! Could always pull that one off! Heh heh….

The conversation progressed something like this (I am going to refer to the person on the other end as “nice lady” because she IS and you’ll see why in the end). 

Me: Okay, so just so I have an idea about how many people will there be? (all the while I was thinking in my teeny minded brain that it would be somewhere in the hospital and therefore a small crowd)

Nice lady: Well, it is at the Elks Club (my eyes dilated right at this moment as this is where only large events are held) because there is usually between 150-200 women in attendance.

Me: Oooohhh, okay. silence. Well, can you maybe tell me some of the other topics in the past that speakers have done to give me some ideas?

Nice lady: One year Miss Nebraska talked about heart disease. The Governors wife did an inspirational talk. Another year Miss Nebraska was here again and her platform was on 4-H. Oh, Coach Cook (the Nebraska head Volleyball coach) gave an inspirational talk one year, and another year LeAnn Thieman spoke (you know the one that rescued all of the orphan babies from Vietnam in boxes in the back of a US military cargo plane)

Me: Ummmm, well. silence. Okay, well I’ll see what I can come up with. (oh plus I think I may have pee’d myself a little)

My nurse walked into my office a few minutes later and I asked her if she had ever heard about this luncheon thing and she said “you didn’t?!” as her jaw hit the floor. “What were you thinking?!” Well, I obviously wasn’t as I said yes before gathering all of the facts. But in all fairness to nice lady she did say I could think about it.

Let the freaking out commence here.

At first I’m thinking no one is going to want to come to see ME. They are going to see this thing advertised and be so disappointed so I need a hot topic! What about sex?! That was my first idea but one of my partners said…”what are you thinking, do you want 500 people showing up?! Maybe you should stick with something safer!”

What to do, what to do? I’ve never been in a pageant! The fanciest dress I’ve ever worn was my wedding dress. I never played college athletics~too busy studying! Politics? No way but I do vote and I have already registered here in our new county. Oh, and I have been to Washington, D.C…….in high school (does that count for anything?). I certainly have never rescued any cute little babies!

I continued asking all of the nurses at the clinic what I should talk about and they were literally all shell-shocked that I took this on and just said “why can’t we just help you with what to wear and how to do your hair?”. Seriously? Seriously? I’m dying here!

Adam was away for work so I tell him all about it this past weekend. He just kind of shook his head in disbelief as well and then last night I remembered about LeAnn Thieman (the Vietnam lady). I had forgotten to tell him about her. He looked at me and said, “babe….I think you should go in and talk to them (basically he was referring to nice lady) and make sure they really meant they want you to do this”.

So, I did. I stopped “nice lady” in the hall this morning after rounding at the hospital and told her of my concerns and do you know what she said? She said that she views it as exact opposite. She said that I am their Miss Nebraska. I am here putting down roots, growing in this new community. What a better way to show the public that~to show them myself. And by the time I made it to the office even my nurse’s mindset had changed from last week. She walked in and said, “you know, I’ve been thinking more about this luncheon and I think this could be really good for you. People that don’t know you are now going to know you. And, I want to sit in the front row”.

I’ll tell you more later about what it will be about. No, not about sex. The red hats will be there so I nixed the sex idea. Drats.

4 thoughts on “Pretending to be a fabulous somebody

  1. Wooooo wooo! I’d LOVE to hear you speak! You will be awesome, Shana, no matter what topic you choose. And you know, I’d much rather listen to a sincere, down-to-earth person who is excited about their topic than a polished, professional speaker who could tell you authoritatively about getting a man to the moon whether or not they themselves ever passed jr. high math.

  2. Why, thank you for your vote of confidence. I am going to be using quite a bit of humor I do believe throughout my entire talk…..let us just hope I’m not the only one laughing…

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  4. Pingback: Life As We Know It » Women’s Health Luncheon-(quick recap)

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