I lied….

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I mentioned in this post that I really only collect two things. Then I put Christmas ornaments away and realized that wasn’t true!!

Six years ago, Hallmark stated releasing an ornament each Christmas in honor of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (our family lurve’s this movie as I’ve mentioned before!). Somehow we missed it the first couple of years but since then this has been a staple purchase every July! Eddie’s RV ornament is by far the most valuable and was an impulse purchase several years ago off of Ebay. I love that we have the whole set!

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Last year was the first year they started with the original National Lampoon’s Vacation series and it is hilarious as well. The moose is the same one that says they are sorry that the park is closed and Clark punches it in the face! And, we checked…the station wagon is VERY accurate, all the way down to Aunt Edna on the roof and the correct suitcases!

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Being in family practice and infertile

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Rose-bud lips, beautiful dark eyes and a head full of hair….just a few things that immediately jumped out at me right after the delivery. The sweet babe quieted as soon as it was put on Mama’s chest. All was right with the world in that perfect moment.

Was this it? The last one? My last delivery?

Last August Adam and I discussed my involvement with obstetrics. We decided it may be a good idea for me to stop taking new OB patients at least until I made it into the second trimester of our next pregnancy. I was scared a patient of mine would have a problem while I was in my first trimester, making me worry that it would happen to me too. Strange, I know….but perhaps for some odd reason I thought if I didn’t take care of any patient’s that had pregnancy difficulties, maybe I wouldn’t either. My partners were very supportive of my concerns and my OB practice was essentially put on hold-at least I stopped taking any new pregnant patients.

Fast forward to my final delivery. Everyone is healthy. It was a “good one” in the grand scheme of things-I commented to the nurses that I was glad all went well as it might be my last. I remember when I came to this practice, my practicing obstetrics was a somewhat difficult transition for all of us. You see, in the state of Nebraska Nurse Practitioners cannot deliver babies…and rightfully so! We are not trained in this sufficiently! It is actually very rare for an NP to do anything really with obstetrics so my asking four Physicians to work with that passion of mine was a big step for them. They have been amazing since day one, allowing me to provide prenatal and postpartum care to my patients and letting me play an active role in the management of their labor as well. I have been doing obstetrics now for 11 years and the thought that the sweet little babe with the head full of hair is the last one is difficult. I just don’t know if I have it in me.

It sounds selfish, I know, but I do not know if (or even if I want to) take care of women getting the one thing it seems I don’t get to have. The one thing my Husband and I want. It’s a very odd feeling, though as this has by far been my favorite part of medicine for over a decade. It’s crazy to think that in a few month’s time the one thing I looked the most forward to on a day-to-day basis became the thing I was least looking forward to. I haven’t decided if this is for good or not. If I stop doing obstetrics, this is likely something I’ll never be able to “pick up” again. It isn’t like crocheting or riding a bike. As I said, it is rare for someone like me to even be as involved as I have been in the past, let alone stop and then just start up again someday. Obstetrics is the most legally challenged type of medicine. Experience, experience, experience is what it’s all about. Once you don’t have that experience, you should stop. This is in the best interest of the patient and the provider.

As with multiple other things right now, I am not even sure how to actually make this decision. After Noelle I knew then that I needed to decrease my involvement with obstetrics at least a little and actually put teaching Lamaze on hold. My Births R Us program has been a big part of my life for over six years. I loved educating and empowering women to be active participants in their labor experience but just couldn’t do it last year. Maybe I should resume teaching and stop obstetrics so at least I am doing some of what I love(d). As a side note, I think part of what made my classes as good as they were is that I am involved with the whole pregnancy/delivery experience. This allowed me to really relate to the couples and use my experiences to really educate them well.

And, I know I need to be realistic also. This is my career so maybe I should just suck-it-up and move forward with everything I have done for years. Perhaps it will work out in the long run. Perhaps I will once again become comfortable with the exposure to pregnant women and sweet newborns. I can’t take away all of the awkward situations after all. There will still be the kids that are brought to the clinic who’s parents act like they are a “nuisance” or a “bother” to them. These times are so frustrating. Why, God, when it seems that they don’t even want their child, can I not have a child when I would definitely cherish it?

I pray God helps me to be more understanding, more empathetic, less jealous and less judgmental….and as with everything else that He helps with this decision…

 

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Good reads

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I love a good book. Here are a few of the books I am currently (or getting ready to) reading:

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  • Gone Girl. This was an awesome read. So many twists and turns but can I just say…the ending sucked. Big time.
  • Jesus Calling. This was a gift to me several years ago. I try to read it every night. For those of us that struggle with really getting into the word, I recommend it.
  • Ressurection Year. This is written by Sheridan Voysey, the Husband from this post. This book has been very touching so far. As Adam says, their story is “spot-on” and feels like our own story. I can only hope we can make strides as big as they have…I will likely write more about my (our) thoughts when I am done with it.
  • Just One Thing. My doctor in Omaha recommend I read this to help with my guilt and feelings of inadequacies. I actually think Adam and I may read it together.
  • The Book of Awesome. I have started this already and love it. Each chapter is only a page or two and is about something awesome. Something happy. Like warm underwear from the dryer or a cashier opening a new register when you are in line at the store. There is more than one apparently by this author and I look forward to diving into those also.
  • The Rosie Project. I have purchased this already but haven’t started it yet. It sounds awesome and has a sequel of sorts that doesn’t sound quite as good but this one should be great!
  • The Good Girl. This is another I have purchased but haven’t started yet. It has good reviews and will hopefully be a good read.

Does anyone have any good recommendations out there for me of what you are enjoying?!!

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us II

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More on what makes us tick!

  • We love music. Both of us. It is not unusual for Christian worship to be playing in the living room, 80’s rock-and-roll in my office and Christian hard-rock in Adam’s office. All at the same time. Throw in a little bit of Beatles, Bob Marley and IZ and we are happy, happy happy. We usually have spa-like music (think running water from a river-type of music) playing on pandora while reading before bed at night to wind down from the day.
  • Our nieces and nephews have been perhaps the biggest thing in our lives for well-over a decade. Aside from occasionally traveling by ourselves, our time has been spent going to football, basketball, and volleyball games, even a little track and a few plays here and there. Throw in a graduation or five and we have enjoyed watching these little people become big people.
  • There are perhaps two things that we are most proud of. First, how successful my baby brother (AKA Boy) is as we like to think that we played a (teeny) role in helping him become who he is. Secondly, we are very proud of the financial strides we have made in the past five years. This is big for us. Really big. We used to be credit-card people. That is a thing of the past and we are very proud of this.
  • We don’t have TV. Well, we have lots of TVs in the house (exercise room, living room, our bedroom) but do not have cable. This is something we started several years back after we realized that we would just sit and stare at the TV, doing nothing with ourselves. For a few years we would still get cable from August to February so we could watch football but this year we didn’t even do that. I WILL admit….it sucks not being able to watch football right now. We do watch shows or movies on netflix or vudu, though so we are unfortunately not completely disconnected!
  • We love to garden together. We never had a garden until we moved to our current home where we started above-ground square foot gardening and we have loved it! We mostly do it all together, including canning. We’ve canned peaches, stewed tomatoes, pizza sauce, spaghetti sauce and pickles. Every year we put up carrots, peas and corn and store our potatoes in the crawl space for the winter.
  • We love to work on our home. Whether it is completely repainting a room a different color together or making projects together. We are a good combo. Adam does the sewing and sawing, I do the putting-together of things.
  • We flirt. Adam more than me. With each other, of course!! Adam is very grabby and teases me relentlessly. I love that guy.
  • We sleep with a box fan. This is something Adam “brought” to the marriage but is a staple now. Whenever we travel (even in Mexico!) we have our taxi take us to a walmart or somewhere similar to get a box fan on the way to our hotel. We finally smartened up and now keep a box fan in our car for when we travel that way. I can’t tell you how many box fans we have bought over the years because we “forgot” to bring one. I think we have at least 5 or 6 of them in storage! Every night when I turn the fan on Adam says it’s “the best sound in the world!”.

 

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