I’ll start this by saying if you haven’t read our story we recommend you take a minute to do so. I would start back at the beginning of this journey and work your way forward! Click next in the upper right-hand corner to advance after reading each post.
We had decided that no matter what route we took we would need money. If we chose to adopt or wanted to even consider the option of surrogacy we knew we needed at least $40k, probably more. As we just recently paid off our last credit card we were fearful of going back into debt. One sure way to get some of the needed money would be to sell our home…which we love. But it is just a home and we knew that. Honestly, selling our home was not as worrisome as if we could find a decent place to rent in our small community! We announced on January 17th that we wanted to sell our home and within 24 hours had five families that wanted to look at it! In hindsight, it is as if God was perhaps testing us. Were we willing to give up our most precious worldly possession for a child?
It is no secret that we (especially me) were at our lowest of lows. We decided we needed grief counseling. I wasn’t sure where to find a good grief counselor so I called Hospice at Good Samaritan Hospital in Kearney to see if they had any recommendations. Their social worker quickly called me back with a recommendation of a counselor in Kearney that actually had experience with couples with recurrent pregnancy loss! I called her and got us an appointment set up immediately for Wednesday, January 21st. We didn’t know when I scheduled the appointment, but this particular counselor was also faith-based….exactly what we needed. Our faith had been so tested that it was fragile. Both of us (even Adam who normally has amazing faith!) were struggling with God. Neither of us were angry per se but just were struggling with understanding the why’s and how comes of our situation.
When we met this counselor not only did we discuss our grief but we talked with her about the difficult decision we were facing regarding adoption versus surrogacy and our fears associated with both.
This is where I will share a secret with you. In the past five weeks we had three separate women approach us offering to be compassion surrogates! Two had been patients of mine (one locally and one near Tecumseh where I used to practice) and one was another amazing local woman. All of these women are done having their families and offered us the gift of carrying our child…so we could feel our baby kick, experience prenatal appointments, watch our child be born, etc! Prior to this, surrogacy was honestly not really on our radar. At $100-150k it was not something we felt we could financially manage, however a compassion surrogate eliminates the agency fee and the surrogate fee which brings the cost down to the mid $60k…making it somewhat comparable to the approximately $52k we were estimating for adoption. As this was all foreign to us we decided we needed to speak with an attorney specializing in surrogacy for advice. I discovered that there is only one attorney in the state of Nebraska that does this and spoke with her. She was very informative and we tucked her information away in the event we needed it.
Now, when each of these women privately contacted me with this selfless, amazing offer….well, I guess I’ll just say we wept. We wept at the kindness that people really do have and the possibility these women were providing to us. We can never, ever repay these women for the hope they gave us during those very dark days. I mean this with my whole being. There is nothing we can say or do to show our appreciation. So, you know who you are….thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We will never forget the gift of hope you gave us.
Okay, back to the counselor…she spoke from the Bible stating that Jesus wants us to seek wise counsel from multiple places and that although it will likely surprise us how He does it, He will show us the way. She recommended that when we make our decision as to our next step that we try to make it with the thought in mind that we want no regrets. Adam and I spoke on the way home about how this is something we had done to that point (as referenced in this post) and so, why stop now? We had given it our all prior to this and were thinking that maybe since three different women had stepped forward that this is what God wanted us to pursue…surrogacy. There were, of course, many worries about this plan-ie: to use my eggs or not, how many cycles of IVF would we ask the surrogate to do, what if the surrogate miscarried, how many embryos would we implant, what if the genetic testing that would be performed on the embryo prior to IVF showed a problem like trisomy 21, etc. Would we ask another woman to move forward with a potentially complicated pregnancy? And, what about multiples?! We had an appointment scheduled for the next day (Thursday) at 12:30 to visit with the specialist in Denver about our surrogacy options (again, little did we know that just thirty minutes prior to this appointment we would need to cancel it!).
I messaged my Mom on Skype that night and told her I just wished God would drop a big sign in our driveway saying what He wanted us to do. She jokingly asked if I wanted him to deliver it via UPS or USPS? I said either would do!
Once again we prayed that night (Wednesday night) for God’s guidance and I also read in Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths”. Little did I know that within hours He would be literally rolling out a red carpet directing us down the right path!
***I am so sorry that this is not the full story of Lainey Noelle but it is coming, I promise!!! Life with a newborn is busy as many of you know!
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