unanswered prayers

I referenced a couple of posts back about having surgery. Well, it didn’t happen due to unexpected insurance reasons. I could go on and on about my disappointment in our healthcare system and frustrations that I experience daily in my practice and obviously now personally, too but that is not what this post is about. This post is about unanswered prayers.

Sometimes God is right on and knows exactly what He is doing. #amen

I was supposed to have a hysterectomy for endometriosis. I am likely full of it. We did not realize how much so until we received the surgical report from 2014. From the surgery I had to remove the 8 fibroids right before we tried the last time to conceive. We were told after that surgery that the surgeon DID see “some” endometriosis and removed it. He only briefly mentioned it. Flash forward to now when we received the surgical report and it appears that I was basically riddled with endometriosis. One can only conclude that this is likely why we were losing our babies. With endometriosis you not only miscarry easily but the entire pregnancy is often not as high of quality from the very beginning. It is best to treat the endometriosis before conceiving. Ideally the treatment is with an injection called Lupron 6 months prior to trying to conceive.

My surgery was in June, 2014. Had I been told this we would have taken Lupron from July through February, 2015. We wouldn’t have tried to conceive and lost our fourth baby, leading us to proceed forward with our fingerprints, learning about surrogacy vs. adoption, etc.

Lainey Noelle was born January 21, 2015. I would still have been on Lupron. Adopting would not have even been on our radar yet. My stomach hurts thinking about not having this beautiful soul as my daughter…

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Thank you, GOD. THANK YOU, GOD! It is a weird feeling to (somewhat) feel thankful for losing my fourth baby so I could have my beautiful daughter.

I leave you with these journal pages that I found this morning. They are from my pregnancy with Noelle. I can feel our excitement while reading them and I remember hearing her heartbeat. I am so glad we have a recording of it. I am also sharing that post below!

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the most beautiful sound on earth

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. ” Mark 11:24

 

 

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

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What a magical time! Happy birthday to our savior and thank you, Jesus for the gift of life we have been given. Thank you for each of our angel babies and for Lainey Noelle.

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Lainey’s first Birthday cake for Jesus!

As we worshiped Jesus (I should say tried to worship with a sweet fussy girl…Iwon’tsaynames) by candlelight last night I thought back to just two short years ago. We had just lost Noelle and the first song we sang at that Christmas Eve candle light service was Noel (not a coincidence, I am sure!). There we were singing in the very same church with a sweet child in our arms that sometimes I still wonder what I did to deserve. Our God is amazing. He died for us so we can be forgiven. So I can be forgiven for my sins yesterday, today and tomorrow.

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I know I have written before that there have been times when all I could say is “God, help me”. Times when I had no other words. But, the truth is (and unfortunately I don’t write enough about it) there are just as many times that I say “God, thank you!”. And, really I should be saying it way more because everything good does come from Him.

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Christmas tree pancakes from Daddy (he wants everyone to be sure to note he added ornaments AND a star!)!

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A tree hung for our angels…

We honestly didn’t get very much for Lainey as all of our family (and friends) spoiled her wonderfully for Christmas and truthfully, she loves paper and boxes! And…..it takes forever to open her gifts! A few times I have found myself saying “I can’t wait until she gets excited for Christmas morning or I can’t wait until…”. But, the truth is…I can. I can wait. She isn’t walking yet and part of me hopes she doesn’t for a long, long time because she is my baby. My only baby and I want her to stay a little baby for as long as possible. She isn’t really talking yet and I love hearing her whisper little bitty baby babble! I’ll wait as long as it takes to hear Mama. I can wait. Just the thought of getting rid of bottles makes me sad because that means she is growing up already. Yeah, I can definitely wait. This Christmas of paper and boxes was just right for this Mama.

Mom

We just received a book for Lainey and on the inside cover the person that gave it to us wrote that every time she hears this song titled “Mom” by Garth Brooks that she thinks of me. Thank you, Chelsea….I hadn’t heard this song. It touched me deep, made me weep and will now be one of my favorites forever…I know God sent her to me…

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