I barely have words. This song touched me deep inside. To think we have four angels that saw God the first time they opened their eyes and are at His feet is definite motivation to live a Godly life so we can worship as a family some day!
Five years ago today we lost our first baby. Little did we know that we would go on to lose three more. DNA testing wasnt done in the first two and therefore we do not know their gender. Our last two babies were girls that we named Noellle and Lainey. Noelle had trisomy 17 but Lainey was healthy. Endometriosis sucks.
At the time, these losses were horrifying but now we understand more of what Gods plan was all along. And, I’ll be honest….I would go through all the heartache again just to get my Lainey.
I referenced a couple of posts back about having surgery. Well, it didn’t happen due to unexpected insurance reasons. I could go on and on about my disappointment in our healthcare system and frustrations that I experience daily in my practice and obviously now personally, too but that is not what this post is about. This post is about unanswered prayers.
Sometimes God is right on and knows exactly what He is doing. #amen
I was supposed to have a hysterectomy for endometriosis. I am likely full of it. We did not realize how much so until we received the surgical report from 2014. From the surgery I had to remove the 8 fibroids right before we tried the last time to conceive. We were told after that surgery that the surgeon DID see “some” endometriosis and removed it. He only briefly mentioned it. Flash forward to now when we received the surgical report and it appears that I was basically riddled with endometriosis. One can only conclude that this is likely why we were losing our babies. With endometriosis you not only miscarry easily but the entire pregnancy is often not as high of quality from the very beginning. It is best to treat the endometriosis before conceiving. Ideally the treatment is with an injection called Lupron 6 months prior to trying to conceive.
My surgery was in June, 2014. Had I been told this we would have taken Lupron from July through February, 2015. We wouldn’t have tried to conceive and lost our fourth baby, leading us to proceed forward with our fingerprints, learning about surrogacy vs. adoption, etc.
Lainey Noelle was born January 21, 2015. I would still have been on Lupron. Adopting would not have even been on our radar yet. My stomach hurts thinking about not having this beautiful soul as my daughter…
Thank you, GOD. THANK YOU, GOD! It is a weird feeling to (somewhat) feel thankful for losing my fourth baby so I could have my beautiful daughter.
I leave you with these journal pages that I found this morning. They are from my pregnancy with Noelle. I can feel our excitement while reading them and I remember hearing her heartbeat. I am so glad we have a recording of it. I am also sharing that post below!
“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. ” Mark 11:24
It was two years ago today. We look forward to the day we get to see you, sweet one! Yours WAS a beautiful sound here on earth!
We love you, beautiful Noelle! Love, Daddy and Mama