Heartbroke

Since my last post, we were blessed with the best news we have EVER received….too quickly replaced by WORST heartache we have ever felt.

To the Child in My Heart
Precious, tiny, sweet little one
You will always be to me
So perfect, pure and innocent
Just as you were meant to be.

We dreamed of you and your life
And all that it would be
We waited and longed for you to come
And join our family.

We never had the chance to play,
To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now
And listen to you giggle.

I’ll always be your mother.
He’ll always be your dad.
You will always be our child,
The child that we had.

But now you’re gone…but yet you’re here.
We’ll sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy.
There’s love in every tear.

Just know our love goes deep and strong.
We’ll forget you never-
The child we had, but never had,
And yet will have forever.

Go to the Next Post In Our Adoption Journey

Why don’t you have some toast with your mac-n-cheese: Adventures in moving

Monday was my last day at work here in Tecumseh. The week was a much needed blessing for me. I spent the time doing many things: resting, packing, grieving my patients and friendships, reading…oooohhhh and I got a massage!!! A long ago gift certificate from a wonderful friend that I had yet to use and it was heavenly!

Today, though the “packers” came from Mayflower. Now. Adam had already met them when he had gone to get me boxes, paper and tape and warned me that they were very nice but not what I may expect. Hmmmm? When we found out it costs $2000 to store our stuff for a month we decided I would pack AS MUCH AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE ON OUR OWN before they got here today to help save. My employer is covering up to a certain amount but eh! $2000, that’ll put ya’ over quick! Back to the packers….they were very nice. There were four of them and we decided to have them pack only breakables; dishes, pictures, etc but in our house that is A LOT!

I need to go back and elaborate a little more on why Adam said they may not be what I would expect. The only reason I can imagine why is that they kind of remind me of the people that work at the carnivals at county fairs….got me? But they were so nice, complementary about how they loved our house, very courteous, and man were they fast.  2 1/2 hours and they were done! Bam. Over. Just goes to show that you NEVER judge a book by its cover! I asked if they wanted to come decorate our new house.

Even the "someday we'd love to have a baby" baby stuff is packed. And yes, the crib is together. We put it together and even made the bed with a crib set my sister gave us from Calissa Jo for when we were showing the house...and yes, I did cry when we made the bed. Pathetic as it is.

This move is a little more tricky than I wish because we are having to pack for several different things. First, the realtor’s home that we will be staying in the month of October is not available yet so we will be staying in a hotel this next week so we are packing for a week for then. Then we need to pack only what need for the next month….what is NOT to go on the Mayflower truck Monday morning. Then there is a list of things that cannot go in any of the boxes that Mayflower takes that I guess just comes with us to the realtor’s house….like propane, 9 gallons of paint and Miracle Grow (yay).  I bought groceries yesterday and specifically tried to stay away from perishables BUT forgot about things that require other things to be cooked. Like….a toaster to make toast as I casually told Adam he could have toast for breakfast. Or pasta (hmmm, no pots!). Just so you know, the realtor’s house is fully stocked and has all of these necessities…thank goodness!!!

Our living area after the 4-man tornado hit it. (let's face it, when ever people can get THAT much done that fast I am just plain jealous!)

Oh, and this was really fun. Tonite Holly, our escape artist dog once again dug her way out underneath the privancy fence and it is because of this that when our fence at the new house is built there will be a tunnel of concrete installed under it (yes, our backyard will kind of be like a mini-alcatraz for dogs!!). As usual, we went after her. Adam did it this time and found her sopping wet with what else…..smelled like sewer or something equally fun. Being as efficient as I am trying to be I have only left out two towels for us. Anyways, thanks Holly for using up both of our towels for drying after we spent who knows how long bathing you.

Our disaster office....note the computer screen is on the Mayflower website list of "what you cannot pack" and look at all the paper and files I need to get through.....aaaaaggggghhhhh!

Next up: I guess a big truck/semi thingy will arrive here bright and early on Monday to take our stuff. Except what we need for next week, the next month and the list of what they said they will not take….I’m going to ask them if they are interested in Holly because she is up for grabs after tonite. Adam is working Monday so I guess I’ll just be here in the house by myself with the dogs and all of those papers to sort through and the computer as that stays with us (that goes in the we need in the next month pile you see, just to keep you straight). I won’t have any furniture, though but we are keeping our guest room queen mattress for the next month so we will have that.

And, then….Tuesday morning at 9am: appointment at the attorney’s office to officially sign over this home to it’s new family! xoxo

strange coincidences leading to reassuring thoughts

Remember my duckies? How I have been using them as kind of a visual to remind myself to let things slide….slide of my back, keep afloat ya’ might say. I have this one duck that I keep finding on the floor. ALL the stinking time. In my office at the clinic of all places. And as you can imagine these past several weeks have been wearing, ie: saying goodbye to such special and very loved patients/friends. It seems that day in and day out I come in to the clinic and I find this stupid duck that is normally sitting to the right of my computer on the floor.

Last weekend Adam and I went to Cozad to look at a home (the one we are buying by the way: woot, woot!!!) and as we were driving to the hotel we decided to treat ourselves to (normally we would have driven back to Tecumseh in the middle of the night) I told Adam about this stupid duck and how I think it just means that I am done. Ca-put. Over-with. Finished. Officially sunk.

Then we pull up to this random hotel we chose to stay at and we see all of these people EVERYWHERE. Like a huge party was going on. And there was. It was the hotel grand-opening. There were balloons, food, games, you name it. They were so excited to check us in it was awesome. This is what we saw when we pulled up at the party:

After we checked in we went to our “never-slept-in” room, which was beautiful. Adam walked into the bathroom and broke into laughter because this is what he saw:

Not only is there a duck….but it is a nurse. Yes, we took the duck home with us. Adam said he didn’t care what they charged us as it is worth it to remind me that maybe I’m not quite sunk yet!

In the end of May we made this life changing decision and I would be lying if I said I haven’t been frightened since. But I would also be lying if God hasn’t opened doors one after another for us and also shown us repetitively that we have made the right decisions.

To start with we hadn’t even barely come to the conclusion between ourselves that we were going to start thinking about moving elsewhere and a couple of job opportunities that were right up my alley surfaced….one near my sister. Another thing that happened, my partner, and dear friend, also decided to leave our practice…making it more difficult for me to imagine staying in the practice long-term. Next, my mother who was living with us at the time started contemplating more and more about moving to Florida to take care of my Pepe (which she has since done)…and although I wish she were here I now know she is settled.

The job I took felt “right”. The CEO seems kind. While I know there are politics everywhere and no where is perfect the clinic and hospital seem like they will be a good fit. All of the providers are under the age of 40. I will have my own nurse who seems so wonderful. The community is three times bigger than Tecumseh which is what we wanted but is still small. In fact for those of you that know of it, it is the size Whitefish was when we were growing up.

We have only been in our home for 3 years and have put $85,000 into it, mostly out of our pockets as we went but some onto the mortgage so I knew exactly what we needed to pay off the mortgage. It seems NO homes sell here, at least lately. Ours did….in 16 days and for the price we needed. Next hurdle was if it would appraise for what it would need to which is $60,000 more than what we purchased it for only 3 years ago (in this economy…aaaccckkk!!!)….it DID!

What about a job for Adam? We didn’t know what to do. Guess what? His employer decided to let him work from home. He currently spends over 10 hours per week in the car commuting.

Where will we live there? The first home we thought we were in love with we prayed about and for some reason it didn’t feel right so we decided against it….knowing it would mean we wouldn’t have anywhere to live when I had to start my job. The realtor over there said she would keep thinking as there was nothing else in the size range that nice on the market. She thought of a house that was on the market a year ago that never sold and went to the owners to see if they would be interested and they were. It is $20,000 less and fits us better. There is a huge home office for Adam. No we can’t get into it on the first of the month when we are there but guess what? More blessings: our realtor over there has a home she uses for situations just like this. Where a buyer is in between and has no where to go. It is fully stocked with dishes/towels, etc and we will stay there rent-free until October 29th.

So while we have been on somewhat of an emotional roller-coaster ride it is as if once we saw what God wanted us to do with our lives and let Him lead the way the path has been actually fairly clear. I thought I was sunk for a little bit and then He reminded me I was not and we laughed and laughed. Here are a couple of pictures of our new home:

….so, here you are…

Where to start, oh where to start. I suppose the picture above is one of those that sort of speaks for itself and tells you “HELLO~BIG CHANGES HAPPENIN’ AT THE CARTER’S!!”. Which, there are. And up until today we weren’t comfortable “completely” sharing what is going on as Adam is just now discussing things with his employer.

I have been in this practice for a little over 7 years. I have A LOT vested in this practice and this little community. I love my patients. As you have read in previous posts we have completely (literally) re-done our home. She turned 100 this year, ya know~and I have the paperwork to get ‘er listed on the National Historic Registry. I ran out of time, though. Fortunately we put very little of the renovations on top of the home mortgage. We paid for things as we went, Praise God~which allowed us to sell it thus leading to the fun picture above!

The end of May I received a call from my sister (who lives in Kearney) to casually mention to me that there was a job opening listed in their paper for a family practice in Cozad. 

Hmmm. Well.

We had just returned from Adam’s mom’s graduation and spending time in Mississippi where we visited with his parents extensively about where we are at in our life and what we are doing, etc.  We came  back from that trip knowing that a change was needed in my employment someday but didn’t know when or where. Heck, at this point we still weren’t even sure if we might even go back to Montana! I decided to nose around a bit but this basically hit us like a pizza being delivered. WHAM!

The long of the short is that we are moving to a wonderful new community September 21st. Cozad, Nebraska is only 45 minutes west of my sister, rather than 3 hours southeast. I will no longer be taking call. Both of these will be nice things if we can have a family someday~ya’ think? The medical community is what I would consider “healthy”. Without going into tons of detail, let me just say that there are not as many issues there as there are here. It is always important to remember however that there is no such thing as a “perfect” job (darnit-to-heckola!) but I am hopeful for a more healthy work environment. The physicians I will be working with are awesome. All young with families. There is only one other female and she is prego with her first babe! Excited for her! I will have my own nurse (yay!!) and her name is Janna. We just met her this past weekend and she is going to be just perfect I know it (more to come about Janna~would ya believe that we are actually looking at buying her house?! WEIRD!).

Cozad is three times the size of Tecumseh. It has an Alco people, an Alco!!!! For those of you that don’t know what that is, Alco is like a Super Walmart in rural no-where-villes. About Adam? Not sure yet. Like I started this post out….just now telling his employer. It would be kinda’ cool if he could do some of what he does for them from home in Cozad and still keep his job. We’ll see.

Up until Saturday morning, I couldn’t think past….well, anything really. I was overwhelmed, worrying about where we were going to live. We were planning to rent a place and just have someone keep an eye on our home here while it sat empty. Because, while I may have been dealing with this job deal for awhile, we just finished our house three weeks ago and therefore just got it listed. No stress at our house. None at all.

I have so much more I could say but I am going to end this post now by just saying that by the grace of God….our home sold after being on the market for only 16 DAYS…16 days people!!!! Did we list it too low? Probably. Are we going to be able to pay off our mortgage? You betcha’! With $445.00 to spare baby! We decided when we were going to list that we were going to go for only what we needed, to not be greedy and to pray the house would move. We had a couple of people interested in it Saturday~I sent out a text asking for prayers; Adam actually layed his hand on the house and prayed and by noon it was sold and by Sunday we were house shopping in our new town.

Can I get an Amen?!